My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
