The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
