Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
