do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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