I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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