I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
