Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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