Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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