Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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