i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
