Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
