She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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