I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
