I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
