I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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