my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
