My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He? As in you personified your dick?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
