I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize