sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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