i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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