Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
