I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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