just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
