I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
