I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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