if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
