I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
