Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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