you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
