flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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