i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
