I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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