Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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