She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
