it hurts more in the daytime
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
