we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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