the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My feet surprised me
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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