Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I want her autograph on my taint
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
