so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Is it penis luge time yet?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize