would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
