I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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