Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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