i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Randomize
