I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
