I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
