i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
