My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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