I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
