y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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