i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
