maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
