what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
