My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
