dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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