He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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