Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
