SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
