When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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