It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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