Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
