Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
