it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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