Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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