This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
