Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
