I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
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