oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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