thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
