i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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