We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
