While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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