i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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